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What I do isn't pretty. It's powerful. It fills my veins with a red-hot urgency. It commands me. It corrupts me. It's astonishing. It's dirty. It's brilliant. I can't control it. I'm not sure I'd honestly want it taken from me. I hate it, yet I love it. Like a devastating hurricane or a burning building, it's raw power has an aesthetic, amoral beauty and implacable purity. The truth is ugly: I love who I am and would never take my own life the way Gabe did. But it still eats away at me, and I'll never understand why I'm a crossdresser. It's just who I am. Accept it.I love to slip on a pair of tight, small pink or purple panties and feel my dick turn hard in the soft fabric. Nothing makes me feel more like a man than wearing a short gray, wool skirt riding tight against my thigh. I hear my heartbeat and know I'm alive when I stuff socks into a maroon 36C vassarette bra and strap it onto my flat, masculine chest.Proximity to anything sexual is proximity to the vibrancy of life. You get. It happened this past weekend.It wasn't a surprise - B told me he and Mike (M) would be in town for three days and hinted around that my fantasy might just come true if I was up to it. When I asked what he meant by 'up to it', B just said - you'll see if things play out that way. Needless to say, I was intrigued, excited and although not a sure thing, anticipating an excellent visit with the two of them.I met the two of them out for dinner/drinks. B looked as handsome as always and M was equally as handsome but in a more rough and burly way. M stood about 6'4, maybe 240, muscular but not a gyn-rat. Both much larger than myself. Great dinner, great drinks, and a bomb question from B: "So, now you've met M and he's dying to know - you interested in him joining us and giving that ass up to both of us?". Stomach fell to the floor, my cock felt like it was made of concrete, and the only thing I could say was, 'yes'.Fast-forward to their hotel room about 2 hours later. The three of us are.
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